A Love That Never . . .
Fiction by Anzhelina Polonskaya. Translated from Russian by Andrew Wachtel. "... my nerves were taut. In a few hours, I would ... see the woman I’d been in love with since my early youth."
Translator Andrew Wachtel reads the first three paragraphs in English
Author Anzhelina Polonskaya reads the first three paragraphs in Russian
(Read the untranslated story here)
It had rained all night. But the morning was sunny and gorgeous. The dappled sunlight formed chiaroscuro patterns that appear only in summer. Early birds were chirping, and the air felt clean and fresh. I was on the train, watching tiled and metal roofs, stations, and passersby. Deep inside, my nerves were taut. In a few hours, I would arrive in Moscow and see the woman I’d been in love with since my early youth.
For a moment, I forgot what I was thinking about. I glanced at the everyday life outside the window and listened to my fellow passenger gripe about his own life. But agitation overtook me again. I had once been her student, and the difference in our ages left me no options. Even after I graduated, I couldn’t imagine it. Years later, I became an adult, and other women came into my life. Still, that tincture of love never disappeared. It flared brighter or dimmer, but never faded away completely.
We hadn’t seen each other for a decade. I had lived abroad for many years, but now I was in Russia on a business trip and called the number that had always remained in my address book. We agreed that I would stop by her office—she was still teaching at the university—and then we would go out for dinner. I worried about our upcoming meeting, afraid that I wouldn’t see the person who had lived so long in my imagination. I was much younger than she was, still fairly young and unattached. My various affairs hadn’t damaged me, perhaps because of my inherent ironic stance toward the world, or my endless search for something that could never exist. And in any case, men don’t need to work nearly as hard as women do to maintain their appearance.
